Thursday, December 31

MY 2015 AND NEW PROMISES! (personal talk)

Hello there! 

I hope You are alright! 

Since I had the best 2014 ever,

For example I did so great when I moved to Finland, I learned the language super fast and got good results at every little or big test I did and I made friends and my dreams came true and I had the best summer with best friends visiting different places and gigs.
so I kind of wanted to have the best 2015 too and if I am thinking now, I wish I could compare and say that it was as great but I must disappoint. 
I had lots of changes in my life in 2014, so 2015 was more changes in myself. I have changed a lot. I used to be really sarcastic and heartless (that is how I saw myself and I am pretty sure that some people saw me that way, too) and I didn't care about things or people or feelings or whatever was happening around me or with me.
Some things happened in the first half of the year which changed me the most.  Suddenly I was the most emotional person in the world and I was tired of having a heart as a rock. I got hurt a lot(some of them because of my own stupidity, some because of others) and it made me stronger but also made me think more about.. stuff.

I had quite nice summer! You can read about it here.  I got to spend 2 weeks in England, had fun times with friends in Estonia and then came to Finland and had a bit of fun here too. I made some new friends during summer who make me happy, wherever they all are!
Other thing I learned is to enjoy and to be thankful for little things. Thinking like that has made me so much more happier person.

I guess my second big change in this year was DEFINITELY my stupid illness. I can't ever put it into words how much I hate it and I can't find any positivity about it. Literally not even one... I don't care about it at all, although I do every injection I must..but somehow I don't actually think what it could do to me. How it could kill me so easily.  I have had my down days A LOT and I am afraid that I am going to have them a lot. You have no idea.. I really really hate it. 

“I really hate having diabetes. I hate feeling bad and sad, I hate when I see others suffer because they can’t help me. I hate the thing that I can’t eat without thinking about my blood sugar. I hate others who say this is an easy thing. I hate people who don’t understand how hard this is, like, do you know how I feel when I wake up with a high blood sugar? No, you don’t, so shut up!! I hate my life with diabetes, I hate the pain in my fingers from my blood sugar tests. I hate this fucking thing in my body.(a text from Tumblr which tells exactly how I feel)

I can't really think of the old promises. I am pretty sure I didn't actually made any. I think it is fun to do these and look back in a year and see, if anything has changes. 

  •  I promise to take care of myself more. In so many ways. I promise to get my diabetes under control and not think of giving up. Also to eat healthier (because I actually must eat more healthier) and work out more (restart with little planking challenge?) , not just because I would look better but to be healthier. Basically all that because of diabetes so I could have long and happy life. 
  • I promise to help people more. Help them with my money when I have the chance, help them if they need something to be done, help them with me being there for them, help them without asking if they need my help. Just be kind. "If you can't find kind people, just be one" 
  •  Enjoy little things. Like I said before I have learned to enjoy little things and it has made me really happy. And I want to continue with it! 
  • I could try saving up more money so I could do big things with it! Like travel the world! Or buy big things! Or just save and then have spontaneous trips to somewhere! 
  • Love myself more! I could say that I have a little history with loving myself and how I used to look like (I used to hate myself like crazy. I think it is not even possible to hate one person that much than I hated myself. Every little inch of myself) From now on, I should accept it! Also accept that this (stupid) disease made me gain weight and sometimes I have ugly bruises on my stomach or on my thighs, but there is nothing I could do. 
And then all the smaller things: 
  • Put more effort on your blog and post more!
  • Learn how to and TAKE more photos!
  • Learn how to edit videos! 
  • Drink more water! 
  • Be nice to your parents and friends!
  • Do not worry so much about things!

Isn't it weird that we actually need a new year to do those changes? Well I do. I feel like it could help me more to start with them! I hope I could keep them and I will do a post about it maybe in the middle of the year and in the end of 2016. 

You should totally write in the comments about your New Year Resolutions. Maybe I am missing something and I could add it to my list too! 
Remember to eat a lot and drink NOT(or do, it's your own choice!) a lot and party normally and enjoy life! See you in next year!!! xxxxxx

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